CyberCrop Chat at UKScrappers.com

(11/1/03)

There's a website called UKScrappers.co.uk, frequented by, well, scrappers from the UK!  Ü  They had a "cybercrop" on Halloween weekend, and have been posting challenges and such and basically hosting a crop, but people participate by way of the message board.  They have a pretty good BoM challenge going there, so I stopped by, and participated in a sort of chat -- the hostess posted questions for me in a specific thread on the message board, and I answered them.  They were good questions, too!  This is the "transcript".

There are rumours that you are writing a new book, and that this will be published next year, but that it is not "About Me". Can you give us any hints about what it might be about? (Yes, I know, that's asking a bit much)

Sure! It's titled, "Growing Up ME: A Guide to Scrapbooking Your Child's Stories". It officially debuts in February at HIA in Dallas. You can find more information here. 

How long did it take you to complete your own Book of Me?

Oh, it's not done! I figure as long as you're still alive, you still have stories to tell!

I still add pages to it -- when I teach classes, I sometimes do my class examples/projects in 8½x11, then I can put them in my BoM (Book of Me).

I don't see a BoM as a finite project, like a vacation album where you have a definite beginning and end. You may have a definite beginning of a BoM, but the stories, memories, and experiences keep coming as long as you keep scrapping!

If you're wondering how long it took me to write the book, while working on my own album, that was about 10 months, from the time I started scrapping my album, to writing & submitting the book proposal, to turning in the final manuscript.

Like many people, I am terrified of committing my innermost thoughts to paper with the knowledge that somebody other than me might read them. I know I don't have to do it, or that I can hide it, but that is kind of defeating the object! Do you have any tips to help us get over it?

I have a few thoughts on that.

Remind yourself that it doesn't have to be your "innermost" thoughts -- they can be edited for "public viewing". Joanna Slan wrote a great article on this topic: "Journal the Hurts; Scrapbook the Highs".

Second, you don't have to put your BoM out on the coffee table. You can put it on a bookshelf, and only take it out when you choose to share it with someone. You can choose who you share it with, and you can choose which pages you want to share. That's your personal decision; you have the control.

You might be surprised when you share some of these inner thoughts with those close to you; it might bring you closer. So many people have emailed me to tell me they shared a tribute page they did on a family member, and that family member didn't realize how the scrapper felt. Sharing it while the scrapper was still alive allowed them to enjoy a closeness that would have been missed had the relative viewed the page after the scrapper was gone.

Hidden Journaling is a great technique, and is not being "sneaky" or defeating any sort of purpose. The purpose of a BoM is to share yourself with anyone viewing the page, but you can control who sees what, and how much. Perhaps there's part of a story you don't mind sharing with many people, but another part you'd like to document, but not share just yet. That's FINE!

Relax and go easy on yourself. If you're trying to scrap something you're just not ready to face and want to hide it all, perhaps it's a topic you could/should put off for a bit. It will still be there later, and hindsight is often helpful with dealing with those issues. A BoM is supposed to be a good thing for you! Don't drive yourself nutty over it -- you can either wait till later, or work on it in bits until it's done.

How easy is it for you to do the journaling (I am veeery bad at journaling myself) - do you run around with a little notebook to write everything down? Do you get inspirations from old diaries (I used to write lots of diaries when I was younger).

Fortunately, journaling does come easy for me. I just follow the advice my 10th grade English teacher gave me, when I wondered how to write book reports: Write as if you're telling a friend about it; what would you tell your friend the book is about? So, often, when I'm looking at pictures, or trying to document a memory, I'll imagine I'm talking to a friend or my mom about it. I'll try to explain what it was like to be there, and include sensory descriptions. I'll describe what I was feeling at the time, to help them imagine what it was like to go through that experience.

No, I don't use a little notebook currently, though I have at times in the past. Particularly when my kids were younger, and mispronounced things a lot, I liked to jot down things they said. Now when they say something funny, I might jot it on that day in my planner, which I keep by the phone.

I have used journal entries on pages; I think it really adds a note of authenticity. It better captures the moment, rather that letting hindsight color the experience, and your words.

And yes, I think looking back through old journals would be an excellent trigger for stories you want to preserve. So many stories and experiences would probably be lost if you hadn't written about them at the time. You can also draw life lessons -- note a particular journal entry, then comment, "I think it was then that I learned that life wasn't fair, and that the only thing I can control is myself..." or something like that. That would make a powerful page.

I would really love to do a book of me, but I don't have loads of photos of me when I was younger. My parents didn't seem to like using a camera!! What can I do to get around this, so as not to have a big jump from baby to now?

You're not alone! Many women have very few pictures of themselves, either as a child, or at their present age. This is one of the most frequent complaints I hear. Just because you don’t have photos doesn’t mean you don't have stories, or that you can’t tell your stories. Remember that our main goal with scrapbooking is to preserve memories. Photographs are not the only tools for evoking memories. Photos will only help enhance your layouts. They are not the basis of the layout; the memory is. Some of my favorite layouts have no photos. They are the ones with an entire page devoted to journaling, artistically displayed with just some cardstock accents. I love them because I know that I have told the whole story – all my thoughts and feelings are out there, and my words are descriptive enough to paint a picture of the event. There’s a section on page 78 in the Book of Me that gives guidelines for “painting a scene with words”, for pages when you have no photos. There's also an excerpt from that section on the book website.

What do you do when you get to the scary stuff? Like a broken marriage, physical abuse, death of loved ones, pain etc. I don't like hidden journaling - I don't want people taking my LO's [layouts] out of the page protectors. Although I have done some hidden stuff in my son's BOM as he is adopted.

There are ways to use hidden journaling, and not have people shuffling the page in and out of the protector. When I do HJ, I slice the protector with an Exacto knife, around the interactive element, then adhere the protector to the element with vellum tape. I know it may be hard to imagine that without actually seeing it, unfortunately.

You could try putting the journaling in a pocket or envelope. Then people could take out just the journaling, and leave the rest of the layout in the protector. You could also stick the pocket or envelope on top of the protector, so it's more accessible.

You could also use the PageFlippers by Paper Adventures, or the new Flip Pockets by C-Line. You can stick those little plastic pockets on the outside of the protector, and everything will still be visible and protected.

How did Shimelle [Laine] end up on the cover of The Book of Me?

I bet that surprised some of you -- you probably didn't know she was a "Cover Girl"!

Shimelle is a friend of mine. We met online in 2000, then met IRL [in real life] when my husband and I traveled to London. When I started working on my BoM scrapbook in 2001, I told her about the project, and asked for critiques on some of the chapters. She also submitted I think 15 layouts to be included in the book. My publisher happened to pick one of them for the cover. (I just write the books; I have very little to say about the actual layout and design of them.)

When asking questions of parents and relatives for details of when you were younger how do you deal with different people giving 'very' differing accounts of the same thing?

I would probably approach it from either of a couple ways:

You could go with a "He Said, She Said" perspective, and describe your memories of the experience on one side on the layout, and describe another person's account on the other, almost a compare and contrast kind of thing. If appropriate, you could even have them write it out themselves, and include that on the page.

You could also go at it with a sort of "reporter" accounting -- "I remember it this way, while my mom remembers it this way."

By including their differing thoughts, you are not passing any sort of judgment, or validating either "side". You are simply presenting more "information" to more fully document the experience. You can choose to include whatever you want in your journaling -- that's personal choice. Don't feel you have to include their perspective, especially if it's hurtful. Your accounting is what affected you, and made you the person you are today. But if it is appropriate, go ahead and include their thoughts. I always think it's interesting to hear different versions. Different perspectives illustrate how unique we are as individuals!

Hi Angie, First of all a BIG thank you!! You have been such an inspiration! I bought your book the first time I ever saw it on a web site, and turns out it had just been published! I've been working on my BOM ever since. I do a page here and there. My question is this, What do you do when you have too many pages for an album?! I have a page for everything I ever think of! Looking at it is a great way to pull me out of the dumps, so again, THANK YOU!!! 

<blush> Thanks so much!

When you have too many pages for an album...start another! I'm almost at the point myself! There's no reason you can't have Book of Me, volume 1; Book of Me, volume 2, etc. You can also split it up into themes, and have an album just for friends, an album just about childhood, an album just about dreams, etc.

There really are no rules in BoM -- it's just a matter of organization, and making it work for you! Go for it!

I really like the idea of doing a BOM, but I hate having my photo taken. Also I don't really know where to start i.e inspiration etc? Any suggestions?

Yes, a few!

In a previous post, I commented on scrapping when you have few or no photos, so don't let having few photos stop you from scrapping about yourself!

Also, consider putting aside what you think about photos of yourself. Sometimes, it's not about you, even in a BoM. Sometimes it's also a gift you give your loved ones -- think about how much they would treasure any photo of you, if something were to happen to you. If you take yourself out of photo shots, you are denying them that gift. Also consider the few photos you probably have of your grandmother (or someone else close to you). Do you look at those photos, and think, "Oh, she really should have lost some weight," or "That haircut is very unflattering to her." Probably not -- we are much more judgmental of ourselves than of others. The people close to you look at pictures of you with a much more loving heart -- they don't see the "flaws" you see. They see the sparkle in your eyes, or the expression on your face. I mean, I know my husband isn't the same weight he was when we met in college, but I look at current pictures of him very fondly. I remember the shared experiences that the photo brings to mind -- not the "flaws".

As far as inspiration, there are several resources -- check out the gallery here for a wide variety of layout topics to inspire you! I also do a Weekly Challenge on my bookofme discussion list at YahooGroups. Check out the files section there for lots of ideas. And there is also a Journaling Ideas and Articles section on the book website, scrapyourstories.com.

I'm afraid if I do a BOM it will end up reflecting only half the story - the half that is the happy part. I want my book to be honest, but I also want it to be something that other people can look at. Do I not include a lot of things or just do an honest book that only I read? Should I concentrate on these happy memories or include them all.

Unfortunately, I'm going to go with a generic "That's a personal decision." Ask yourself what feels right. I think many people put a lot of pressure on themselves to make their BoM's "perfect", which only causes anxiety and self-paralysis. And they end up doing nothing.

You can include "unhappy" things in your book -- it's up to you what you include to best tell your story. How other people react to what you share is beyond your control. Personally, I say to write your truth and don't worry about what other people think, but some people just can't work with that. So you have to figure out for yourself what you're comfortable documenting. You can use hidden journaling, as I've mentioned in previous posts. You can keep a separate album of "difficult" topics, and share only with those you choose. There's any number of ways to approach it.

Personally, I scrapped some "challenging" topics and experiences, and they're in the Book. I've scrapped depression, and how it's affected me. I decided to approach it by describing the experiences "diplomatically" -- I didn't go into any specific "gruesome" details, but did mention how I dealt with some of the thoughts and feelings. You could kind of allude to some of the difficult experiences, then describe in more detail how it affected you, how you dealt with it, and what helped you through it. That's mostly what people want to know, I think. They might not want/need to know how many times something happened, or the exact details of first this happened, then this, then this, play-by-play, but they are often interested in how it affected you, changed the way you think and perceive things, and what lessons you learned. They want to know how you cope(d), and what helped you through it.

I'm not saying not to include any specifics -- include what feels right to you. Write it ALL out, just let everything out. Then edit for your audience. I am a firm believer in "rough drafts". Tell the WHOLE story, then decide what you choose to share.

I was interviewed for an article in the Jan/Feb 2003 issue of Memory Makers, titled, "Turning Point Journaling: turn scrapbook journaling into powerful life lessons". It is a great article, and addresses several of these same points. Here's the end of the article:
"However you chose to record your turning points, keep in mind that your writing can be a learning tool for life lessons. 'You can tell your story any way you want, ' Pedersen says. 'The important thing is to see it preserved. Simply, tell the story the best way you can, and it will be enough.'"  Another helpful article can be found at WritersDigest.com.

You were involved in moderating / teaching a Beginning Scrapbooking class via a university online course in America - this course runs for around 4 weeks, and the beginners end up with 4 layouts during this time period. Is this correct, and still running?

Yes, I teach The Craft of Scrapbooking at BarnesandNobleUniversity.com. It runs monthly, so if someone misses it, they can register the next month.

I wrote the course material, and I moderate the classroom message board when a class is in session.

So I have one very simple question - you took an idea that many people had been generally thinking about, and you grew it into almost an entire sub-culture within scrapbooking / journalling (yahoo groups / classes / challenges / finding ourselves sort of Yahoo sisterhood type things) What initially triggered the inspiration - was it an apple hitting your head / eureka principle moment?

<grin> I certainly never intended or even foresaw that it would grow into a "sub-culture" (but thank you for even calling it that! How cool!)

It wasn't so much a "lightbulb"...I was facing some personally challenging times, and was having almost an anti-identity crisis. I knew exactly who I was -- I was a wife and mother. Period. But I was looking at my days, and what I did with my time, and didn't see anything anyone else couldn't do. I didn't see where my being there, and doing those things was anything significant, or that I was in any way irreplaceable. I wasn't too pleased with the direction of those thoughts, so I decided to create a scrapbook to remind me of the good in my life, and all the gifts I had to offer. As I showed it to my friends, I saw that they were impressed, mostly because they had never thought to do a similar book. So many of my friends were absent from their own albums too. As I was creating my book, I researched many resources for journaling prompts, quotes, and websites. As much as I enjoyed the process of creating my Book of Me, I eventually realized other scrappers might be searching for ways to create such a book for themselves. I wanted to help them by providing a roadmap for them to follow, compiling all the resources I had drawn on. So, this book was born.

I started working on my BoM scrapbook in January 2001. While I was working on that project, I started researching the book proposal process; it took me two months to write the proposal. I sent out proposals in August, and signed the book contract at the end of August. The final manuscript was due on Halloween (2 years ago now!) So that was a total of 10 months from start to finish. I just finished up my 2nd book, which took 8 months (probably because I didn't have to research and write a formal proposal for this one!).

I've been toying with the idea of doing a BOM... but I don't think I'm that interesting.   Other than the basics (where I was born, family tree etc) what are your favorite BOM topics that might inspire me?

When people ask me what they should scrap about, I tell them to give it "The Grandmother Test". Basically people want to know about you what you want to know about them. If you have questions about your grandmother's life (or your mother's, or your aunt's, or someone else in your history), chances are that's something someone would like to know about you. If you wonder if she ever had regrets about decisions she made, if you wonder how she managed her laundry, if you wonder what she dreamed of doing when she was a young woman...chances are those topics would interest someone in your own life.

So make a list of questions you would ask someone if given the chance, then answer them about your life!

As far as lists of topics, check here.

Thanks for having me, UKScrappers!